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Here we are in the 21st century, and although less so, there remains the belief that women no longer yearn the sensual feelings which I have been discussing in the last two posts. Why is that? Well, in my opinion, there are a few reasons, but I will focus primarily on the number one culprit which is the Entertainment business.

Many years ago, the supermodel Cindy Crawford made a movie, and she referred to Hollywood as Boys Town. I believe she recognized it for what it was, a powerful medium truly controlled by men. It still is, and a reflection of this is the continued pairing of older men with younger women. In addition, there remains the on-going problem of having fewer parts for the middle-aged and older women. It has slightly improved as evidenced when you see the glamorous Helen Mirren displayed in a sexy manner in the film Red. Television also seems to be trying to do a better job. Over 50 actors such as Julia Lewis-Dreyfus, Dana Delaney and Madeline Stowe have found ongoing work in popular series. Yet, these seem to be the exception, and there continues to be a lack of film and television pairing same-aged couples.

In addition to films and television, publications often show women thinner and more svelte than they really are. Many are air brushed, and in the era of the computers, they are digitally and realistically modified which contributes to the nonsensical belief how most women even in their older years should look. What does this do? It promotes a confusing and false narrative, and all involved often pursue a dangerous and relentless quest for elusive fountain of youth.

Let us start out with some other facts. There are many lovely men who adore their wives and remain attracted and devoted to them. Even if they peek at an attractive younger women, they would never cross the line because their attachment to their spouse is tantamount to above all else. Some men who are widowed or divorced are also open to dating women in their age group and are not resistant to being with their contemporary. There are also some men who happen to fall in love with younger women not because they are young but because of who the women are. This has occurred in my own family. With that said, there are those men who refuse to look in the mirror and prefer to see themselves as youthful and sexy by choosing a younger woman. Many make themselves believe as I reported about my friend that women over a certain age don’t even want to engage in sexual relations. Some of these very men are often in high-powered positions of power and see a young woman as another trophy in their line of acquisitions. Their wish is to have a young sweet thing on their arm, not caring that the woman may only be interested in his money and power because of his singular goal to be with someone so desirable. Many of these men are part of the entertainment business putting out films that make this whole myth a circuitous process. Men and women are exposed to this, and voila, some older men in the world of dating observe and say “Why not me?” Again this has been slowly changing. In fact, I remember being at a Tina Turner concert several years ago, and surprisingly, the men were hooting and howling at the over 60-year-old dynamo. Although Tina looked fabulous, she is not alone, and now women are pairing up with younger men. These men find such sophisticated, older women attractive and do not let age deter them. Until last year, the stunning, barely age 50, Robin Wright was engaged to a younger, attractive Ben Foster. A few years ago, the handsome actor Ashton Kutcher who was once married to an older woman himself espoused that the sexiest thing about a woman is her intelligence. He said this in front of a screaming audience, but those of us who listened more closely took note. Mr. Kutcher is quite accurate. The brain is the most sexual organ of all, and many men who are confident about their own strengths find intelligent, similar-aged women to be quite appealing. The old adage, beauty is skin deep, certainly is quite appropriate when it comes to attraction and longer lasting relationships. Many years ago, Michael Douglas starred in a film which depicted him as a philanderer. After losing everything personally and professionally, he returned to a college town where Danny DeVito worked. He asked Mr. DeVito how he was able to resist the temptation of pursuing all of the young women who showed up every year. Mr. DeVito indicated that the women ended up being the same year after year, and every night, he slept next to his best friend who was most important to him.

So how might things continue to change in a realistic way? Well, I think both sexes continue to struggle in the 21st century with the topsy turvy world of online dating. Most people meet in a vacuum which makes it very difficult to see each other in the true context of who they are. Women might think about looking beyond a man’s profession and education as a barometer for attraction and happiness. Education and wealth are not a good measure for mental well being. Many years ago, I saw an educated woman whose very educated husband betrayed and left her. She met a self-employed, blue-collar professional who asked her out. Initially, she said no, but then she thought about it and decided to give it a chance. This woman told me that she had never laughed so much or been so comfortable with someone whom she
might have passed over.

As far as the men, well…first and foremost, stop thinking that younger is better. I sit with some of these young women who so many men fantasize about, and I wonder what in the world they have in common with them once the bloom of so-called hot sex is over. Also, a woman within their own age might appear more attractive as you talk with her and get to know her. Perhaps, you will look at the glint in her eye or a smile that shows beauty unnoticed. Whatever it may be, give it a chance, and look closer in the mirror to see that the true you is no longer the hot-to-trot young stud you once were or wish to be. Perhaps, you can look closely and see an older yet attractive man who might have some compatibility and pleasure with someone closer to his age.

The possibilities can be endless if people maintain an open mind. Maybe in my lifetime, I will have the pleasure of bearing witness to the acceptance of the passionate and sensual 50 plus woman. Being the optimist I am, I believe it could happen. I can’t wait to see!