“The best kind of love is the kind that awakens the soul, makes us reach for more, plants a fire in our hearts, and brings peace to our minds.” From the Movie “The Notebook”

In Part 2, I continue to discuss the longings of the over 50-year-old-women. We must acknowledge that women are often compromised by menopausal symptoms which may lower their libido. Hot flashes and vaginal dryness do not make things easy, but thankfully modern medicine is here to help. There are remedies for dryness, and flashes are exactly that flashes, not a steady stream of heat. It does not mean that desire dies with change of life. In fact, I have been told by a number of women dating in their fifties and early sixties they have experienced passionate sex in a way never thought possible again. For those in long-term relationships, I often remind them that sex can be like exercise. If you wait for desire, you might keep waiting because it does not have to precede arousal. So like exercise, once you get going, it can feel so good! Some might say that is an extremely unromantic notion. Well, is it? Isn’t it a more optimistic approach  to believe that it might feel better than one might imagine in the moment. When one person is amorous and the other can take it or leave it, if they are willing, oh, how sweet it may be. Let’s face it, passion often loses some of its earlier momentum, and if one expects it to last forever at such a fervent level, they may be disappointed. Fireworks often become a long steady flame but the flame still requires maintenance in order to stay lighted. Does the quest for constant fireworks contribute to the high level of infidelity or divorce? I would imagine that some of it does. If you think about it, some extramarital relationships are at times fantasy life, just like the books and the movies.

Many men complain that their wives are not as thin or fit as they would like them to be. I suspect that complaint has decreased at least in the part of the country where I work. If you look around, you see quite a few women very fit and attractive at the ages of 50 and 60 plus. They exercise, wear flattering cosmetics and dress to kill. In addition, some may indulge in subtle plastic surgery and other anti-aging treatments to augment their youthfulness. Nothing wrong with that if they are doing it for themselves. No matter how they look and present, many 50 and over talk about the difficulty in dating. For women over 60, it is even worse for them to find a man their age range. Those older men often continue to pursue much younger women. Many years ago, I saw a pleasant but tired-looking, 60-something-year-old man who thought he should be able to date someone in her mid to late forties. I suggested he think about increasing the age requirement. He actually listened, but he did not include his own age as part of the criteria he was requesting.

Speaking of men…what about the men? Everyone thinks it is the women, but there are many men who are not interested in sex or necessarily sex with their wives. For many reasons, they have decreased libido, and there are some who prefer to look at pornography rather than engage in sex. They are not doing it to enhance the act but to replace it which can be a problem not making his wife feel very good about herself. In addition, as much as men have voiced their concerns about women’s appearances over the years, some of them have not kept up with their own. I have been to Las Vegas several times over the last decade where you get a view of people from all over the world. Let me tell you some of the men have big pot bellies and are somewhat unkempt, yet some of these same men seem to think they are God’s gift to women. Yes, fantasy does have its place.

I always say to my clients that God is a man because of all the things women have had to deal with over the years, and with hormones and carrying babies, many manage to still look like a million bucks and have great vigor and energy at even later stages in life. So why does the myth persist that women lose their luster and allure? TO BE CONTINUED…